"To know one thing, you must know the opposite" - Henry Moore
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Not only do opposites attract but they make each other brighter!
I love having friends over in the summer for a drink by
my garden pond. It’s so relaxing and I enjoy sharing the colors and textures in
my yard. The question usually surfaces
pretty quickly as to whether or not my husband and I garden together. That’s an
easy question – NO! Don’t get me wrong, he helps a lot when I need it. He has
built me some incredible arbors and he built our peaceful multi-stream
waterfall that is the centerpiece of our yard. To be honest, I’m glad that he
isn’t a crazy gardener like me – our tastes are opposite and well, I don’t
think that our ideas would mesh. I’m a
bit of a control freak and he isn’t. It’s great for a marriage!
There’s a house a few miles from us that is absolutely
stunning with puffs of color everywhere. It’s a beautiful kaleidoscope of
flowers standing to attention arranged as if a painter staged a set. I regularly
see an older couple outside tending to the garden in harmony. They both wander
about doing their own thing and seem so peaceful and diligent in trimming and
watering. I always think of how the scene would be at our house if my husband
and I gardened together. My vision involves me chasing him with a hose or
shovel for moving something or clipping a bush that I don’t want touched. Good
thing he doesn’t like to garden…..
Numerous people share hobbies and it really strengthens
their relationship. On the flip side, not all couples enjoy the same things. At
the very least, we all need to try something once to see what will bring us
together. I quickly learned that I don’t share my husband’s passion for jet
skiing and snow skiing. Instead, we play off of each other and follow our own
hobbies, yet share our love of other mutual social activities. Our opposite
interests work well together and keep us happy while our marriage grows. We
need to respect each other and understand what drives us. Likewise, we need to
understand what drives us nuts about each other. Like a plant in the garden
playing off one another, one person’s strength is another’s weakness and we can
learn so much from each other.
“If everybody is doing it one way, there’s a
good chance you can find your niche by going exactly in the opposite direction”
– Sam Walton
There’s no doubt that I am an extrovert - no to the
extent that my husband is – but an extrovert through and through. I admit that
it has taken years for me to understand and have patience with introverts. A few years ago I worked with another manager
who was a thinker and very much an introvert. It was unnerving. I clearly
remember a lunch meeting when we were tossing ideas around and she just stared
at me. Thinking. And thinking. Thinking. I thought that I would lose it. I did
what all extroverts do – I began chatting away to fill the silence and I’m sure
that she wanted to tape my mouth shut because she still wanted to think. That day haunts me and it was at that point I committed
to trying to understand and accept introverts.
Personal and business relationships are so important. Not
enough of us take a step back to try and understand one another. Most of us are
fast paced and steam ahead without considering how our style may turn off (or
scare!) a partner or colleague. My commitment to building relationships with
the “aliens” (introverts) led me to the new book by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PHD
The
Genius of Opposites – How introverts and extroverts achieve extraordinary results
together.
In her book, Jennifer not only shares her own clashes
with introvert and extrovert relationships, she outlines a 5 step process to help
us in our own lives. She shares a 5 step process with an ABCDE approach which
really leads the reader through an eye opening experience. She offers great
chapter summaries and stories. After reading this book you will walk away agreeing
that “Opposites are most successful when they stop focusing on the differences
and use approaches that move them towards results”.
Here are the ABCDE’s that will help you move
towards results with those that your work with:
·
Accept
the alien: You can’t change people but you can try to understand them
better. Focus more on how you can partner than on how your opposite drives you
nuts.
·
Bring on
the battles: Start seeing disagreements
as a necessity and as a positive to find effective solutions. Challenge your opposite in a healthy
way and watch the growth and collaboration.
·
Cast the
character: Quickly ascertain each other’s role and “cast” him or her to
work on bringing out the best in that person’s role. If you understand your
characters you can help orchestrate success.
·
Destroy
the dislike: Above all else, respect each other and don’t let the opposite
style annoy you or cause issues. Act like friends on the outset and you will
be. Accept that we are all different
stop fighting it.
·
Each can’t
offer everything: You can’t personally offer everything and we all offer
something. Accept and embrace diversity. Look at differences as a positive and play
off each other’s strengths. Don’t fight it and become respectful partners.
As you read this book I encourage you to take the time to
really think about someone who your opposite is and how you can partner with
them for results. Try to understand them and learn what each of you can bring to
the table. Answer the questions at the
end of each chapter to influence your relationships to bring about effective solutions,
new ideas, and really bring out the best in others.
As you share hobbies or daringly garden with your
partner, be open and accepting. You just never know what you can grow together!
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